This seems to be a hot topic lately, even though it has been going on forever. Just this week another parent approached me asking for advice about how to help their child deal with a violent situation. So let me try to give you some guidelines we share with our 4th-5th graders.
1. Don't allow yourself to be in a situation where you are alone. Bullies tend to go after kids when they are isolated from friends who can help. Teach your kids to stay with groups of friends and they will be less likely to be a target.
2. In the case of physical abuse, defend yourself, get away from the situation, and get to an adult who can stop it. Teach your kids basic self-defense techniques they can use to escape an attack. A good martial arts class will give them confidence to defend themselves and prevent intimidation. Most bullies are insecure cowards and will back down from somebody who displays confidence and security.
3. Tell an adult if you are being harassed- a teacher, bus driver, parent, or any adult who can intervene. Teach your kids not to retaliate other than to defend themselves. If you've seen the typical scuffle in a football game, you know the offender usually gets off but the guy who retaliates usually gets the flag.
I know some parents are reluctant to teach self defense tactics to their children for fear that it will encourage fighting. The exact opposite is true. First, self defense classes always focus on defense, not offense. They always teach kids not to initiate a fight. Your child will gain confidence and self-discipline that will be useful in many areas of life. Second, if you are working on shaping your child's heart, they will understand the proper time and motive for using their defensive skills.
Bullies rely on fear and intimidation. If your child learns to counter those tactics, they will probably avoid most bullying situations.
Finally, teach your child not to be overly sensitive about teasing. Let's face it, kids can be cruel and they can inflict emotional damage. But you can teach your child not to get offended every time somebody says something critical of them. Teach them how to reply with humor and defuse the verbal assault. You don't want them to become a whiner or a tattletale who runs to the teacher with every childish comment. Teach them to be secure enough not to be offended by every joke or juvenile word. There is a difference between bullying and teasing. You need to help them understand the difference so they can feel secure, safe, and confident in who they are.
