What's your image of a perfect family? I'll bet when you got married you had an ideal in mind and you thought for sure you were going to become that family. You thought your kids were going to be compliant and cooperative, in spite of the fact that you never were. Or at least that's what you hoped for. You had all kinds of mental pictures of how your family was going to be better than the one you grew up in and you weren't going to make all the mistakes you'd seen other parents make.
So as you think back to those idealistic images you had when you brought that baby home from the hospital, how's that working out for you? Has that "white picket fence" image come true or have you run into a little thing called everyday reality? The truth is that our image of family is changing, and I'm not talking about the legal definition that the politicians are arguing over.
Guess what? You don't have a perfect family and neither do I. You know why? Because we aren't perfect people and never will be. And that means our kids won't be either. We are all broken to one degree or another and our families reflect that. I say all that to encourage you to drop the guilt you feel for not measuring up to your ideal and get real about the imperfections in your kids that frustrate you.
Maybe instead of trying to create this unrealistic image of our family to impress other people, maybe we should accept the reality of our imperfections and dysfunctionality and allow God to use us as a model for redemption and restoration. I can promise you that if they haven't done it already, one day your kids will break that picture for you and everybody will know the truth. Maybe we should focus more on getting better, not being perfect in public. Maybe we should be real and authentic.
I think that would take the pressure off of us as parents, off our kids, and allow us to be believable in the eyes of those we really want to influence. And in the process, your relationship with your kids will be much more effective because they will see a model of transparency in you that is attainable.
